I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
