my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
