I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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