Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
