She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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