you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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