Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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