I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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