she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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