I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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