I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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