Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
