My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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