bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
