You're so nebulous sometimes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
