alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
