A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize