Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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