the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
