Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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