Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
