did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
