Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
