thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
