I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
