Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
