whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
