i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
