Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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