i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There's even glitter on my cock...
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