I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
