tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
