we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
