you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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