I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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