I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
