Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
