he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
