Pappa wants mamma naked
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
