Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
