And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
