Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
