it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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