I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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