I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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