you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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