What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
