A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
