belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
