Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We need a shit load of segways right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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