do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
