just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize