His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
