I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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