john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
