Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
