Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
