You can't motorboat a personality
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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