Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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