Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my being single is dangerous.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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