i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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