You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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