I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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